Spreads Like a Wildfire: Notes on Suicide

Photo by Edward Honaker

On March 19, 2005, my father killed himself. Thirteen years later, my family still cannot hear the word "suicide" without a cringing pain in their hearts. My mum told me she will never ride the Haunted Mansion because of the prop of a noose. 

To this day, his suicide haunts not only his side of the family, or my mum's side, but to anyone who knew him. Suicide is never the answer.

It sounds fake to say, but it spreads like a wildfire of pain. I am not just some sad person saying it either: I struggle with very serious depression too. My older brother has a son, and, to see my step-father play with him, brings tears to my eyes because, if my dad was watching over him, he would now give anything to play and smile with him.

Recently, people have been taking suicide as a joke, a relatable "meme," but who has to suffer with the suicide of a close or loved one to know that it is not something to take lightly? Suicide is the last thing you crave when you are too mentally depressed and empty.

My freshmen year, I tried to take my own life. The first thought was, "My mum can't find another dead body," and then, "Why would I go through with this when I know how it will affect everyone?" I know for a fact that there are people around you who care about you, whether you know it or not.

After that, I had gone to my Mum to try and get help, saying that I was depressed, and she brushed it off saying it was "teen emotions." Finally, there came a time when I had to scream to her face, explaining and yelling out all of my emotions to finally get help.

I now have to take medicine to help me to never get that way again, and meet with a therapist to help. It takes some different tries to get it right, but it will help.

I want to come and try to explain how badly suicide is. And it is not a joke. I feel nothing but true sadness when I hear it thrown around so easily among teens, and I remember that I have my dad's ashes and it's not something to try and act relatable with. Saying you want to die or kill yourself is a serious accusation.

-Ginger Lewis
Guest Writer
Huntington Beach, California